STRING 03: Letting go, moving on, and being plain dumb

Seeing him again had made me realize how matters were going for my loving self. I never really cared him more than I do as a friend. I’ve come to my senses and everything seemed to fit in their proper places in the puzzle. I also realized how I’ve been pathetically stupid back then, clinging to memories, wallowing in nostalgia, griping how hard it was for me – having breached that thin line between love and friendship.

Individually, things now are going well for me and for him, though not that much for he hasn’t moved on with his high school love, it seems. As for the two of us as a unit, we’re happy together and as long as there’s that flimsy thread connecting our thoughts, we’ll always have each other. Cheesy, but it’s true.

I still am sad. But he’s out of it, and definitely being loveless is out of it. Most of my sadness is comprised of my expectations, disappointments, and frustrations in aspects of self-satisfaction. The Marionette is amid a thread-like bridge of hope; critical, precarious, vague future (am thanking Seth again, for this one, though I know I could come up with the translation by myself).

Schooling resumes in a few days. Hopefully, the writing-nerve comes back by that time after a week-long trip six feet under the stars*. In the meantime, I’ve got to ingest more books, more words, more knowledge. Someone’s arsenal must take charge.

*apologies to All Time Low

STRING 02: On a rigma-roll

Since online writing had been scarce lately, only now do I bring you the obligatory blog post for the semestral break that comes in handy as a reference and/or remnant of the days long past.

I. Hell hath no fury than a Marionette scorned

It was eleven-thirty in the evening, and the answers in the Ethics final exam were due in thirty minutes. Everything’s a blur; I didn’t know what the right thing to do then, my mind in an irrational haze. I heard something from an acquaintance in the blogosphere (who will be now called The Arrogant One) that was too much of a blow my immature-slash-touchy self had readily taken offense. Admittedly, I wept, hard, with fury and self-pity. Something I had not done in the few months. Had I not been in constant physical and emotional stress at that moment, I would have been stronger enough to handle it. But, hell no, the cosmos seemed to have conspired against me, and struck just when my baggage was just so full I would have tripped off in an instant. The venting helped nonetheless, I felt better afterward.

I told that incident to some friends, not only because I wanted to, but also because I had to hear their take. Seb mostly felt the way I did. Lennox just laughed it off, dredging up age-old memories of me with The Arrogant One saying that the latter couldn’t have been that serious with it. And Shakespeare… I don’t remember him comment about it, not that I forgot him saying any. I suppose he’d rather not hear yet another of my babbling about The Arrogant One. Shakespeare didn’t like him in the first place. An irrational animosity, you tell me. Sometimes it’s kind of easing to think that he’s simply jealous of The Arrogant One. HAHAHA.

II. And now for something really CHEESY

So I learned that Shakespeare has switched to another network. We had an exchange of messages, and after sometime it went something like this:

SHAKESPEARE: May bf ka na? Hehe

MARION: Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Duh. Anong klaseng tanong ‘yan?

SHAKESPEARE: May nanliligaw na ba sa’yo?

MARION: *cringe* Manliligaw? Eewk. Grabe din ah, para akong nasa showbiz talkshow.

SHAKESPEARE: *said something I couldn’t recall, then added*…nga pala, basted ‘ata ako.

So I was like, DUH. WHEN HAS HE LEARNED ASKING ME THOSE KIND OF PERSONAL QUESTIONS? And I might as well ask why he brought up that BASTED thing out of the blue? Was it just my wishful thinking or did we get the same impression, dear reader? (Assuming there’s any.)

So if you don’t mind my sharing, Shakespeare is one of the fortunate few from high school who knows me better than I do, he’s The Best Friend… and The First (and Unrequited) Love. I suppose you don’t want to get me started with the long story I never wanted to be told, so suffice it to say that I was downright unnerved when I thought I knew what he meant by asking those questions. I wasn’t quite sure how to react on that and silently thanked him for ending the conversation by saying that he’d better sleep.

Two nights later, we caught up with each other again through texting. The ever-coward me surfaced and I decided not to let him anywhere near my affections. Love is fatal, and I am not ready to die yet. So I pushed him away through my little means of intimidation and arrogance, and voila. He hates me now with a passion. Just like the old days. A bit confused, I consulted some Seth Faustine, the authority when it comes to matters of the heart, about it, and he said:

“…may mga bagay talagang kahit ilang beses nating itanggi ay babalik at babalik para ipaalalang nag-eexist sila… kahit naman kasi itulak natin yung taong, let’s say, crazy-over-you e babalik pa rin yan, if what he feels is real. Tsaka dapat we provide chances. Who knows diba? Ayun pala ang daan patungong Quiapo.”

STRING 01: Lost in Limbo

In front of the computer, perusing the contents of my stalkee's Friendster and Blogger account, concluded that I haven't done my job well so I have to do better next time so as not to commit embarrassing mistakes. Munching on my second pack of cheese flavored crackers... Made CHEESIER! the foil pack screams.

Don't know what to do first despite the pile of schoolworks that lies ahead. Thought of writing a blog post before anything else, I have the whole night with me anyway. This is going to be another sleepless night, said my ever-nocturnal self. Until my inner GC-ness comes to the surface, no one's sure if I'll come up with the final requirements before the sun rises tomorrow. Lost in limbo.

Thursday had been a restless day - my group in PI and Campaigns had gone to Eusebio high school to help in the repacking of relief goods - and a sleepless night - I had been in online the entire evening, doing nothing. Mother and Father woke up past 4, scolded me for staying up til the wee hours of the morning, so I slept for an hour or so before going to school.